Its not often I read forwarded emails. Let alone post them or send them on to other victims. Lets be honest, the jokes are never funny and we really arent making the world a better place if we send on pic of kittens and attached poem about the importance of friends to ten people.
However, we recieved something this morning, and although long, its a funny read. And dead on relatable to those who play in rec or beer leagues.
Beer League Hockey GMs
In fact, there are hundreds, possibly thousands, of managers across Canada who will spend the long weekend making personnel decisions in time for the September dawn of a new season. Granted, the majority of these managers are in charge of teams with names like Old Puckers, Rusty Blades, Just the Tips and Nine-Inch Males, but dont be fooled; beer-league hockey squads can be downright tricky to put together. As with any successful organization, you need the right mix, and that means drafting from the following beer-league player categories:
Every team needs the right mix.
The Ringer
Some teams wait until the playoffs to unveil this option. Others go with it right from the opening face-off. Either way, without a ringer, your team is done. The challenge for managers is convincing a good player to suit up for a bad side. This can be accomplished a number of ways, including promises of goal-scoring glory and awe-inspired teammates. Most effective, however, is let him play for free. Its simple math, really. Everyone else pays an extra $50 and everyone else gets a shot at the Division title.
The Young Guy
At first glance, he can easily be mistaken for a ringer, since the young guy still wears the shorts and socks of his junior or college team. But its time for the next phase of life now, and that means an office job. The young guy stays in shape for the first half of the year. Sadly, an increasingly sedentary existence and late night partying catches up to him by Christmas. 15 to 20 pounds later, hes just another player, huffing and puffing with the rest. Welcome aboard, kid.
The Old Guy
Forget the 50-and-over league; thats not for himeven though his
gloves reach up to his armpits, and he still uses a wood stick. To be fair, the old guy can be an effective player, especially if hes a wily old guy a hook here and a chop there, because thats how they did it when professional athletes were real men. Eddie Shore now there was a hockey player! Lost an ear against the Maroons. Sewed it back on him self. Never missed a shift.
The Tardy Goalie
Hey, thanks for showing up. Only five minutes gone in the first. Not
Like you play a crucial position or anything. Take your time, dickhead.
The Beginner
Required only for cheap laughs. On the one hand, you have to admire the beginner. It takes a lot of courage to buy all brand new equipment and take up hockey in your 40s. On the other hand, learn to take a pass, man. Its right on your stick, for f sake! How does that knock you over? And now youre friggin offside! Not to mention the Beginner shows up at every game, no matter what time or what day. Sunday night playoff game at 11PM - no worries, Mr Beginner will be there.
The Complete Psycho
Also good for a few giggles . . . from afar. Most likely a cop or fireman. The complete psycho is capable of anything: running the goalie, challenging an entire bench, a tomahawk chop all in the repertoire. Do not feed the complete psycho. He doesnt want to be fed. He wants to hunt. and, look to him to carry on his act in the bar after the game.
The Naked Guy
Bane of the dressing room. Most players have the courtesy to stretch their hamstrings while sporting, at the very least, a bit of underwear. Not the naked guy. Hell carry on full conversations, and you had better maintain eye contact like your life depended on it.or come face to face with the swinging sausage.
The Guy with the New Girlfriend
An excellent way to lower everyone elses fees is to load up on a few of these. The guy with the new girlfriend will show up to three games, tops, so his payment will contribute to everyone elses and its not like youll lose ice time by putting him on the roster. That said, beware that the guy with the new girlfriend might very well turn into the guy with the new wifeat which point hell never miss another game.
The Organizer
This guy is absolutely brutal but since nobody else could be bothered to do all the paperwork and collect the money he gets to play. Is frustrating to play with because they can barely skate let alone take a pass but nobody gets mad at him cuz hes a really nice guy. Is often heard in the dressing room saying Sorry guys, that one was my fault and if hes lucky somebody will chip in something like No worries Donny, its a team effort. What everybody is really thinking is Hey Donny, my grandmother is a better player than you and yes you are right, that was your fault. If you are lucky the Organizer is usually smart enough to take himself off the ice in critical situations.
The Minor Hockey All-star
Looks promising at a glance as they fool you with reasonably good skills but after you get zero passes youll get the picture. This guy topped out at Midget and can be spotted by the huge blinders attached to his helmet. Play is characterized by energetic rushes down the wing, (no passing), then into the corner (still no pass), behind the net (hey dickhead Ive been open for the past 5 minutes), then into the next corner (everybody has gone back to the bench to watch) followed by a blind give away pass to the high slot / break out pass for the other team. Cut this guy.
The Johnny Try Hard
Great to have on your team but they suck to play against because they have somehow managed to keep themselves in ridiculously good shape. They were probably the star on their high school hockey team and won athlete of the year because they played hockey, volleyball and track all in the same year. Guaranteed they have a membership at the Running Room. Play is characterized by constant hustle which if caught off guard can embarrass the more talented yet fatter player.
The Stanley Cup Champion
This player will raise their hands and cheer when they score. If this is an opposing player you must nip this behavior in the bud by catching him off guard with a sickening open ice hit that causes him to blow snot bubbles. If this player is on your team quickly chastise him in front of the other team to let them know that this is not how the rest of your team rolls. Remind him how much of a loser he is by retrieving the puck from the net the next time he scores and presenting it to him in front of the other team.
The Tough Guy
This guy maxed out at the house-league level, has never been in a fight and is characterized by antagonizing behavior on the ice. In extreme cases he will cheap shot another player. The fact that your beer league does not allow fighting has given this guy a false sense of courage. What this guy does not realize is that this will not prevent someone from knocking his teeth out if he cheap shots the wrong guy. There is a number of fun ways to handle this player which all end with him lying on the ice bleeding, looking for his teeth and crying.
The Wrong Guy
Not to be confused with The Complete Psycho. This guy shows up, doesnt say much and pretty much flies under the radar screen. The kid that gave him the cheap shot him will eventually look his name up on Hockey DB after his facial surgery and realize he had 355 pims in the East Cost 3 years ago.
The Gary Roberts
Can be described as being way too intense. This guy is one of your better players but is unable to adjust to the lower level of play. At the best of times he will try to coach players on the fly and at the worst of times he will snap and call his entire team a bunch of house-leaguers. He believes the game should be played a certain way and despises pond hockey style play with no back checking or positional assignments. Most likely is suffering from a complex of unfinished business from his previous hockey career and is looking to capture some shred of glory via the rec-league championship. This guy is probably better off playing with his own kind in a senior-A league.

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Tradition.
Tradition is something we Canadians pride ourselves on. One significant area is sports.
For example, through the spring and summer of this year, there was discussion that Toronto might adopt an NFL (National Football League) team. This was due to the fact that the Buffalo Bills were supposedly on the move.
There were outraged fans from the CFL (Canadian Football League). This league has been one of the sporting identities for Canada for pretty much a century and there was great panic that this move by Toronto and the NFL would kill the CFL.
What did the fans do. Not many of them went to the first appearance of the NFL game in Toronto when Buffalo played an exhibition game at the Rogers Centre. In fact, certain high profile people were paid to attend this debut game by the sponsors which was supposed to spark interest on its own.
Basically, it failed and the sponsors who promoted this lost a lot of money.
This clearly shows that if there is a threat or change to anything Canadians hold dear, they will either fight it or reject it to maintain our tradition.
OK.
Now, hockey is about to be toyed with.
It does not matter where in Canada you live, even if you live under a sheet of ice, everyone knows the original theme to Hockey Night in Canada.
In a couple of days, a new theme will be adopted.
Why you ask? It has been said that it is for a change, the original theme’s rights to expensive to renew, refresh the product, etc. Even though I am totally against this change, people were willing to give this a try with open minds. Fans were encouraged to submit their themes and they would be judged by the Hockey Night in Canada executives.
Now, keep in mind that the original theme is so iconic for Canadians that whatever replaces it has to be at least close to the caliber of the original.
Well, you are all not going to believe this.
You must go visit the site: http://anthemchallenge.cbc.ca/
The executives have narrowed the themes submitted down to five. One of these five will be the new theme based on fan votes in the next few days or so at the above mentioned site
From listening to these five, Hockey Night in Canada will never be the same.
In my opinion, they are terrible. A piece of our tradition has been killed off and is going to be replaced with elevator music.
The CFL might have lucked out with the poor support for the NFL venture, but it seems that hockey was not so lucky.
People always say that change is a good thing.
Not this time.

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THE CAPITAL TIMES WCHA MEDIA POLL
Results of a poll of media members that cover the Western Collegiate Hockey Association:
STANDINGS
Team (first-place votes) Points Last year
1. Colorado College (22) 247 1
2. North Dakota (3) 210 2
3. Denver 192 3
4. Minnesota 156 7
(tie) Wisconsin 156 6
6. St. Cloud State 133 t4
7. Minnesota State 124 t4
8. Minnesota-Duluth 78 8
9. Michigan Tech 51 9
10. Alaska Anchorage 32 10
Note: First-place votes in parentheses. Last year indicates where the team finished in the standings last season.
PLAYER OF THE YEAR
Player (votes)
Chad Rau, Colorado College (14)
Richard Bachman, Colorado College (4)
Tyler Bozak, Denver (2)
Ryan Duncan, North Dakota (2)
Ryan Lasch, St. Cloud State (2)
ROOKIE OF THE YEAR
Player (votes)
Joe Colborne, Denver (7)
Aaron Ness, Minnesota (5)
Jordan Schroeder, Minnesota (5)
Jake Gardiner, Wisconsin (2)
Jason Gregoire, North Dakota (1)
Derek Stepan, Wisconsin (1)
David Toews, North Dakota (1)
ALL-LEAGUE FIRST TEAM
Forward: Chad Rau, Colorado College
Forward: Ryan Lasch, St. Cloud State
Forward: Ryan Duncan, North Dakota
Defenseman: Jamie McBain, Wisconsin
Defenseman: Chay Genoway, North Dakota
Goaltender: Richard Bachman, Colorado College
The voting panel: Kevin Allenspach, St. Cloud Times; Roman Augustoviz, Star Tribune (Minneapolis); Andy Baggot, Wisconsin State Journal; Bruce Brothers, St. Paul Pioneer Press; Mike Chambers, The Denver Post; Bruce Ciskie, KDAL-AM (Duluth, Minn.); Kate Crandall, The Gazette (Colorado Springs, Colo.); Shane Frederick, Mankato Free Press; John Gilbert, WCHA.com; Kurt Haider, KENI-AM (Anchorage, Alaska); Dirk Hembroff, WKMJ-FM (Houghton, Mich.); Tim Hennessy, KQHT-FM (Grand Forks, N.D.); Ken Landau, KYZX-FM (Colorado Springs, Colo.); Don Lyons, KNSI-AM (St. Cloud, Minn.); Todd D. Milewski, The Capital Times; Jess Myers, Inside College Hockey; Kevin Pates, Duluth News Tribune; Brian Posick, WIBA-AM (Madison); Pat Rooney, Rocky Mountain News (Denver); Brad Elliott Schlossman, Grand Forks Herald; Wally Shaver, Golden Gopher Radio Network; Theresa Spisak, U.S. College Hockey Online; Mike Sullivan, KTOE-AM (Mankato, Minn.); Jay Stickney, KCUV-AM (Denver); Doyle Woody, Anchorage Daily News.

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Sunday, August 03, 2008 5:43:15 PM Thank you for stopping by to laugh for the HEALTH of it in the Virtual Laughter Club It's Time To Laugh! I am thrilled that you added our show as a favorite and I gratefully accept your friendship request. I don't follow hockey well (which is crazy since we live in Canada and hockey is huge here!) but I will certainly be checking out your show anyway. I hope we get a chance to laugh together again soon.

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beg to play in all of their teams preseason games?
Thats Alexander Ovechkin for you. It was his show last night at Verizon Center, a 5-2 Capitals win, and while it meant nothing in the grand scheme of things, because it was a hockey game, with uniforms and officials and some die-hard fans in the stands, it meant everything to him.
Carolina head coach Peter Laviolette made a point of complaining about his teams effort after Wednesday nights Canes loss at home to the Caps (4-1), so I was looking for a more inspired effort from the visitors last night. And it happened the Canes had a nice first period. But then it appeared as if during the first intermission the Jack Adams holder had a few choice words for his lethargic skaters, and thereafter the Caps pretty much had their way. I dont believe a great deal of value should be placed on back-to-back wins over a bitter division foe in the preseason, even in decisive fashion, but I also dont believe that the results should be altogether ignored.
A few more people than is customary for September hockey took in last nights game, but still, it was  largely a sea of purple at Verizon Center, in marked contrast to the last time when we were there, for a playoff game 7. It seems to me that the aim of these games should be (1) to avoid injuries; (2) to get a look at some young players in a more competitive environment than with a training facilitys intrasquad scrimmages; and (3) to introduce hockey to those in the region who know not of its existence. (And there are many of those.)
NHL exhibition games mean different things to different organizations. In Montreal and Toronto, of course, theyre sellout occasions. But in D.C., on a rainy night with an upset college football special airing on ESPN, and baseballs pennant race heated up, or on any September night for that matter, hockey just isnt going to be a hot seller even at discounted prices (season ticket holders were offered tickets to this months slate of home exhibitions at half price; still most of them remained home last night).
My free-of-charge recommendation to markets like Washington would be for them to take a leap of faith: open those arena doors wide two or three times each September and pitch the exhibitions, gratis, to non-traditional communities: inner-city schools, Baltimore hockey fans, Washingtons teeming immigrant communities. Our Shakespeare Theater offers a week-long Free-for-All at Carter Baron every summer; why shouldnt our hockey team, for a couple of meaningless exhibitions? Im pretty sure that if you opened the doors wide on nights like Thursday, youd appreciably improve attendance. Im not sure youd fill the building, but thats not the point.
For the sake of argument, let us say that 2,500 relative had been seated for Ovechkins 3-point performance last night, one which included his scoring on a penalty shot and leveling every Hurricane in his path. If 250 of those folks found the proceedings intriguing enough to return for next Fridays exhibition date with the Flyers and that ought to offer some atmosphere is it not plausible to think that a couple of dozen could get hooked enough so as to become the occasional purchaser of some weekend dates during the regular season?
Hockeys best selling point is how it appears in the arena, not how it appears on television.
A couple of years ago Ron Weber told me that he needed to get a newbie in the stands for three nights to get them hooked on hockey for life. The first night, he told me, hockeys idiosyncratic rules fairly overwhelm the newcomers. But at some point during the second outing the general parameters of the event fall into line for them. By the third game, the newbies now become aware of what the crowd reacts to, and see the games skill sets replicated with impressionable repetition. The hook is set, he said. I tend to agree.
There was some flirtation with the idea of making the entirety of NHL preseason games free of charge back in the summer of 2005, as the league initiated its recuperative efforts from the bruising publicity associated with the lockout. But nothing much came of it. Thats a shame, because I cant help but think that its an opportunity lost. Its true of course that the Caps have a not-so-insignificant outlay of monies required to host these games. But as any healthy business knows, RD is generally required before hot-selling products hit the market. Maybe its the optimist in me, but I just think that some truly outside-the-box marketing (of which the Capitals marketing staff must already be given credit for accomplishing) is required in markets like ours to grow the game.

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Running a professional sports franchise is not easy, regardless of what sport or market you operate in.  This difficulty often only increases when you are dealing with the minor league level, when you are competing for an audience with major league sporting events and broadcasts, trying to create a brand that people will support, and trying to entice people to come to a city that some days looks like it is totally vacant.
These are some of the problems that have plagued the Hartford Wolf Pack for years.  After Hartford lost the NHL, the very fact the Rangers were immediately laying claim to the land that was formerly home to one of the better rivalries in the league was uncomfortable for many Hartford hockey fans.  To this day, there are people that will not attend games because of this fact, although efforts have been made to heal these wounds, such as the retiring of Ron Francis and Kevin Dineens numbers a few seasons ago.
A fact of life of being a Connecticut resident is that Hartford will always be a battleground between Boston and New Yorks professional sports franchises, something that gets taken all the way to the radio level.  The Wolf Pack had been broadcast on ESPN Radio 1410 for many years, however always had to deal with the relatively weak signal range and the fact that games were often preemted, usually by Yankee baseball.
However, new marketing strategies are being undertaken all the time, and this season the team appears to be off to a strong start.  First off the hiring of a new merchandising coordinator that will create a web store and bring in new merchandise will help, however the biggest news is the new broadcast partnership between the Wolf Pack and WTIC FM and AM.  This will enable Pack broadcasts to reach a much larger range of people, hopefully creating a new, larger audience for the games.  Although the Wolf Pack will still be preempted by UConn athletics and Red Sox games on over the air broadcasts, there is an even bigger undertaking in place.
Every season ticket holder will receive a free HD radio and installation so that they will have access to every broadcast over 95.5 FMs HD-2 channel.  I think that this is a great move by the organization, as the organization is really rewarding the diehards that follow this team throughout the season.  My father, a season ticket holder, is very pleased with the arrangement because he recently moved and will not be able to attend as many games this year, but will be able to catch some of the games he will miss on the radio.
Northland AEG Senior Vice-President and General Manager Chuck Steedman had this to say on the deal:  This is a tremendously exciting deal for the Wolf Pack. This puts the Pack ahead of the curve in the way we deliver our games to our fan base, utilizing the fast-growing technology of the HD radio platform. The array of promotional opportunities and synergies with CBS RADIOs four stations, too, and the varied audiences they allow us to access, are invaluable.
Suzanne McDonald, CBS RADIO Hartford Senior Vice President/Market Manager added: Live local programming is the cornerstone of our broadcasting philosophy.  Expanding our sports lineup to include coverage of hockeys rising stars will be great for listeners, fans and the community.
Hopefully, marketing strategies will help to improve the business of Hartford hockey, and more people will be drawn downtown as a result.  The more people that have access to the team and their broadcasts, the bigger the fanbase will be, so hopefully there will be major strides in that department this season.

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Ask The Hockey History Blogger" segment.

Several people have asked me this question this week: Will Wayne Gretzky coach Team Canada at the 2010 Olympics?

Without a management team firmly in place yet, the answer truly is that it is way too early to speculate about the coaching staff.

That being said, Gretzky as head coach makes perfect sense to me.

Here's the reason. When Wayne Gretzky was manager of the 2002 and 2006 teams, he selected a coach that players would go through a wall for - Pat Quinn. Quinn has a legendary following of former pupils, and is one of the most respected coaches ever. Gretzky and the rest of the Team Canada brass made sure the rah-rah Quinn was surrounded by tactical coaches like Ken Hitchcock, Wayne Fleming and Jacques Martin.

It was a great set up. The associate coaches would prep the team with their x's and o's, and the head guy would come in with the 'win one for the gipper' speech. In 2002 it worked beautifully. In 2006 it didn't so much.

In a short tournament like the Olympics where the players literally get together for only a couple of weeks, you need that level of respect at the top. There's a lot of good candidates to coach Team Canada 2010, with Hitchcock and Mike Babcock leading the way. But Gretzky is the guy who could inspire the players like no other. Gretzky is the guy who could, if need be, intimidate the players like no other. Gretzky is the guy who could take the heat off the players and just allow them to concentrate on their assigned tasks.

So will Wayne Gretzky coach Team Canada? I don't know, but if surrounded by good coaches, I see no reason why he would not be an excellent choice as Canada's Olympic head coach in 2010.

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First game of the season? Already? Matt's working, so I'm wrangling this one on my own. The last thing I feel like doing is getting all that equipment together. I run through it in my head: socks, skates, elbow pads, knee pads, breezers, jersey, gloves, helmet, stick. Is that it?

"John, where's your helmet?"

A blank look. I tell him his hockey bag is in the garage. Which garage? Where in the little garage? He goes out, comes back without his helmet. I am more explicit in the directions. He retrieves the helmet.

The skates, of course, have not been sharpened. "Why didn't we get these sharpened when we were in town last week?" John shrugs.

The game is out of town. It's out of state. I google the arena and jot down a little map; Superior is another place where my sense of direction is completely useless. More than once I've found myself on one bridge having been sure I was crossing the other one.

We fuel up on a huge salad and then mac'n'cheese. I run the dogs through the woods and tell them that after the latest performance (chewing up my CD of Minnesota Orchestra playing Beethoven's Third (Eroica) and Fourth Symphonies), they had better keep away from the LPs.

I pile kids, equipment, yogurt raisins and water bottles into the car. Maia requests "the robin song," and she means "Maybe Sparrow" by Neko Case. We're shuffling the iPod, so she's out of luck, which she accepts.

Who schedules a game on a Sunday night? What kind of mom am I, going along with it? We won't be back home until 9:30. Is this what happens when hockey rules your family?

We get to Superior. John runs into the arena as I get the bag. He runs back out. "Oh, MOM," he says, "you are TOTALLY playing a tough team. They're out on the ice right now and they are good."

"Hold the door for me," I say. "That's the men's team. We'll play the women."

In the locker room, I put on John's helmet, now mine because he got a new one this season. I strap on the skates and pull on the gloves. I greet women I haven't seen in months. We hit the ice, warm and sloppy and Olympic-sized. My ankles hurt. I'll need to buy shoulder pads this year. It feels good to play again.

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Every Friday I answer mail in my weekly "Ask The Hockey History Blogger" segment.

Several people have asked me this question this week: Will Wayne Gretzky coach Team Canada at the 2010 Olympics?

Without a management team firmly in place yet, the answer truly is that it is way too early to speculate about the coaching staff.

That being said, Gretzky as head coach makes perfect sense to me.

Here's the reason. When Wayne Gretzky was manager of the 2002 and 2006 teams, he selected a coach that players would go through a wall for - Pat Quinn. Quinn has a legendary following of former pupils, and is one of the most respected coaches ever. Gretzky and the rest of the Team Canada brass made sure the rah-rah Quinn was surrounded by tactical coaches like Ken Hitchcock, Wayne Fleming and Jacques Martin.

It was a great set up. The associate coaches would prep the team with their x's and o's, and the head guy would come in with the 'win one for the gipper' speech. In 2002 it worked beautifully. In 2006 it didn't so much.

In a short tournament like the Olympics where the players literally get together for only a couple of weeks, you need that level of respect at the top. There's a lot of good candidates to coach Team Canada 2010, with Hitchcock and Mike Babcock leading the way. But Gretzky is the guy who could inspire the players like no other. Gretzky is the guy who could, if need be, intimidate the players like no other. Gretzky is the guy who could take the heat off the players and just allow them to concentrate on their assigned tasks.

So will Wayne Gretzky coach Team Canada? I don't know, but if surrounded by good coaches, I see no reason why he would not be an excellent choice as Canada's Olympic head coach in 2010.

Similar posts: hockey

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Alexander Ovechkin is in a rush.

It is Monday afternoon, and the reigning MVP of the NHL is on the other end of the line from Washington, politely slogging through yet another interview.

Yes, he will be disappointed if his Washington Capitals do not make the playoffs. Yes, he is excited at the team's prospects in 2008-09. And yes, goalie Jose Theodore has been welcomed with open arms.

"Why wouldn't he be?" Ovechkin said. "He is a former league MVP, just like me."

Finally the conversation ends with hockey's most electrifying superstar modestly saying: "Thank you very much."

No sooner has the phone been hung up than Ovechkin prepares to bust a move. No surprise here. Ovechkin is always on the go. That is his way. On this night, the destination is a night club in nearby Virginia. Time for Alexander The Great to transform from goal scorer to rock and roller.

Yes, rock and roller.

Ovechkin and a handful of Caps have traded their hockey sticks for musical instruments. They are the subjects of a video that is being filmed, one that will be shown at the Verizon Center on each game night before the Caps step onto the ice. Because the Caps' playoff marketing theme was "Rock The Red" last spring, the team's braintrust decided to play off that idea by making the guys into rock stars.

Theodore is on guitar. So, too, are Alexander Semin and Nicklas Backstrom. Brooks Laich strums the bass while Mike Green is on drums.

The front man? Ovechkin. Who else would be the lead singer of a band called "Ovie and the Caps."

Know this: When it comes to Ovie's vocals, Robert Plant has nothing to worry about. Caps owner Ted Leonsis might, however, had Ovechkin followed through with his gesture of pretending to jump into the mosh pit.

We can see the headline now: Caps' $124 Million Man Blows Out Knee in Poorly-timed Plunge!

Leonsis probably would faint at the thought.

Leonsis knows losing Ovechkin would be the biggest nightmare to hit the Caps since the ill-fated Jaromir Jagr experiment a few years ago. Ovechkin, after all, has managed to accomplish something Jagr could never do -- make hockey matter in Washington.

Nothing better illustrates this point than a keepsake Ovechkin received over the summer. It hangs on the wall at his Washington-area home, a silver, eight-inch key mounted on a mahogany plaque that serves as a reminder of just how big Alex Ovechkin has become.

Forget about the Hart Trophy. Or the Rocket Richard Award as the NHL's top goal scorer. Or any of the other countless items of silverware that Ovechkin, 23, continues to collect in his young career.

Of all his baubles, this is one of his most prized possessions. It is, after all, the key to the city of Washington, presented to him by mayor Adrian Fenty on June 15.

"It was a big honour for me," Ovechkin recalled, still excited three months later. "It was pretty cool. For one day, I was the president."

FEELING THE LOVE

With one difference: The existing prez, George W. Bush, never has felt the type of lovin' Ovechkin is receiving in D.C. these days.

Understandable, since pretty much everything Ovechkin touches turns to gold.

Alexander The Rocker can get a packed house singing no matter how out of tune he might be.

Alexander The Golfer carded a hole-in-one in 2006 during his first-ever round, a moment that was recorded on video.

Alexander The Fashion Plate has his own line of streetware, which includes hats, t-shirts and shoes.

And Alexander The Scorer, well, only Wayne Gretzky and Mike Bossy racked up more goals in their first three seasons than the 163 posted by Ovechkin.

Only one goal remains: Alexander The Stanley Cup Winner.

"I'm excited," he said. "We want to go as far as we can. It's amazing to see the change in the city. Our fans are crazy. Everyone is talking about the Caps. Our games are almost sold out. The summer has been too long. I can't wait to get started."

That's a tune opposing teams wish they hadn't heard.

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Catchy Title?

Well, this has been one heck of a few weeks actually. The kids are back to school. My son already missed 3 days with a fever. My co-worker died. Things are crazy.

I guess it's rare that people sit back and think about these things. I lead a fairly frantic life. I'd love to get back to that cerebral stage I was at in High School and early College where a few friends (I'm thinking mostly of Vin and J here) could sit around and discuss politics, science, metaphysics...whatever, to the wee hours of the morning.

But the realities of adult/parent life creep in. I need to spend time taking care of bills, getting the oil changed, making sure appointments are made and kept, and the kids are still moving along as they should be. Being a family is important to me. I wouldn't change that for the world. But it does make it hard to try to change the world.

So if I had time what would I do?

I think I'd write a novel. It might be purely fiction, something enriching and fun. I've thought about writing something about coming of age in the Heights in the early to mid 90's. I'd try to change the world in some way. Even some small way. And I don't mean filling up the recycling bin or riding my bike to work. I mean getting people to think again.

Today is September 11th, a pretty heavy day. But here, 7 years later, I feel like people are already forgetting what happened and turning things into ad hoc memorials because they're supposed to, not to memoralize or sympathize, but to say "Hey, look at this nice thing I did. Pay attention to me." I know this is all a bit scattered. But that's how I'm running lately.

So if you are reading this...think about what you'd do if you had a chance to change the world. And feel free to let me know. If you knew your were about to die, what would be the thing you wished you had done most.

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Group / Ka, ELvani, Paul

PROJECT THEME AND BACKGROUND

Previously, our idea was to create an audio installation that is based on daily activities and we had a thought of doing something that involves drawing or writing. We wanted have a big canvas or platform that allows people to draw on it, in this case we thought of using a stylus. The idea was about freeform drawing and as you draw on it, sound will be generated. We decided not to go on with the idea because after a more thorough thinking, we were afraid that the concept might be a little bit too basic and general. The concept that we decided to pursue is based on the idea of an air hockey game. Basically we want to create an audio game installation with no obvious audio material on show. The main principle that we are using here is similar to our first idea, which is involving moving objects as well x and y interaction. What we hope to achieve with this project is to create something that is fun and suitable for everyone. With having a game based idea we believe that it is easier for everyone to try to interact with it and they will not feel intimidated by how much knowledge they know about audio. As they are having fun and simply enjoying their time, they are producing some interesting sound.

INTENDED USER EXPERIENCE

This game requires two people interaction. Basically the way this game works is very similar with the real air hockey gameplay. Firstly, you will need to gain control of the puck before taking a shot. Players then will battle against each other and will need to aim or even develop a good tactics in order to score a goal. The difference with Sonic Hockey is, when the puck is traveling on the table, sound will be created simultaneously. Air Hockey is a light, fun and an exciting game to play for everyone to simply enjoy. Because of the audio produced during play, players are not only interacting with one another about also without them realizing, they are also indirectly interacting and playing with audio. This is exactly what we hope to achieve, something that is will not scare or intimidate people with no knowledge about audio to take part. Some of the action types the user will need to do are moving, pushing, aiming, catching and shooting.

INTERACTIVE ELEMENTS

At this stage, we have a few different options. We will decide which works best depending on our experiments.

Element Options
Hockey Puck We will create a custom-made hockey puck, which will have a Bluetooth sensor device place inside it. In this case, we will be using a Mac wireless mouse. The position of the puck on the table (x and y) controls the audio. When player fails to catch the puck another sound will also produce. This is resulted from the collision of the puck and another sensor device that will be placed secretly underneath the goal area.
Camera
Using camera tracking to track the puck on the table. Doing this, we need to have different colors for each element for the camera to be able to identify the object.
Wii Remote
This is the Bluetooth sensor device that will be used underneath the goal area. It will be secretly placed so that the players don't know that there are another Bluetooth device place. The idea is to give an unpredicted audio result. When player fails to catch the puck and it enters the goal area, the puck will hit the hidden Wiimote and triggers the audio to play.
Contact Mic
Putting contact mic inside the goal basket on each side to detect motion when the puck goes inside the basket. Another option is to attach a few contact mics on the table to pick up the motion or vibration created by the puck.
The Bat
In case the options mentioned above dont work well, another thing that we might be able to do is to vertically attach wii remote on each bat and just using standard puck. We will use the motion sensor system from the remote to communicate with the computer.

DATA MAPPING

Bluetooth mouse
The "mousestate" object in Max/MSP will be used to sync the Bluetooth device inside the puck and the computer system. It will be a syncing device to read the x / y position of the mouse. Once its reads the location, "buffer" object will reads the .WAV file depending on the puck's position. By defining the x and y position, Max/MSP read those data just as number, then by the "scale" object, Max/MSP scaling the number sent by the mouse position. When the mouse move away from a certain defined point of the .WAV file, it changes the speed and the pitch of the sound. Max/MSP read every number of the x and y position of the mouse, this data will change all the time depending on its position, therefore the sound will also change.

Wiimote
We use an existing patch , and modified it to work with our own wii remotes. Originally this patch is design for the communication between wii remote and computer only; it doesnt involve any sound by its original design. We will modify the patch and assign different sound file for different buttons by using the object in Max/Msp to read the sound file. By defining the Boolean of the buttons, we use object, we will test each button for its value when they are pressed, we use Select (Buttons value) for on, and Select 0 for off, so when the button is pressed, it turns on the sound, when the button is released, the sound turns off. For the 3D motion sensor (x, y, z axis) of the wii remote, the principle is basically the same as the x/y axis of bluetooth mouse, but one more element, z axis is involved this time. By scaling the different number represented by the motion sensor, it might control different playback elements such as playback speed, gain control etc. for the audio file. And again, we use the object to read the audio file and direct the output of the audio file to the object for stereo or surround output of the speakers.

AUDIO

Audio Output
Two speakers will be used, one on each side of the hockey table. The sound that is generated during play will be outputted on the speaker closer to the position of the puck.
Audio Types
At the moment, we are thinking of using synthetic sound that is space ambient like or a pre - produced space atmosphere sound. We will do a few different tests during production to see which one is the most suitable. For the Wiimote, we are looking at using a "crowd" like ambient sound. This can be something like ; exciting crowd sound for the winner and the opposite for the losing player.

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Next, I feel like I need to address an issue that is very controversial among the hockey fandom of both genders...the issue of Ice Girls. Now, I object to scantily-clad females in a space where there are young children present, although the argument can certainly be made that they'll probably see a whole lot worse on TV or in magazines. Most female and even male hockey fans I've spoken to don't like them. They feel that they have no place in our game. I'm actually one of those who don't mind them as much as some people might, but I have to agree that I would much prefer that they not be there. We go to the hockey game to watch the game, and until somebody gives me some actual evidence that a 5 second appearance from a scantily clad female will actually boost attendance, I remain unconvinced of their usefulness. The Senators have a crew of both men and women in tasteful, temperature-appropriate track suits to do the snow clearing during breaks and it is very conducive with a family-friendly atmosphere.

My complaint is that the skanky uniforms is just a blatant form of pandering to the lowest common denominator. Think about it this way, if the ball boys and ball girls in baseball games were dressed that way we'd all think it was absolutely inappropriate and ridiculous. Their jobs might be more physical but it's essentially the same idea isn't it? Not to mention the fact that the ball girls and ball boys are usually young teenagers and the ball parks certainly don't have any problems drawing a crowd (Um, some MLB teams exempted of course) so I don't think the problem is the attractiveness of the personnel.


That being said, I'm not so naive to suggest they don't have any value. Somebody needs to clear the snow, and men are apparently so easy and dumb that they're always a sucker for a scantily-clad attractive female (or at least that's the impression I'm getting) and the truth is, these dumb, hormone-driven males are the majority that pay for the tickets and go to the games.

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Maybe it comes as a shock to some that writers second-guess themselves the next morning or the next week. All decent writers critique their own work, especially in light of thoughtful reaction that makes it apparent they didn’t make something clear enough.
In this case, here’s what I was thinking: My feelings about the incident are on the record, and it wasn’t necessary to belabor them, especially not in what would have come off as a counterpoint response to Kelsey Tessier, the 18-year-old subject of the column.
I know some in my profession don’t have a problem with that kind of opportunism.
I do.
It’s either a strength or a weakness of mine, depending on your perspective.
Tessier’s views about playing for Roy were an important part of the column on the Avalanche draft choice, but I didn’t need or want to make it a debate with him – especially in print after walking away from a cordial interview.
Roy is and always will be one of the most intriguing personalities and fiery competitors I’ve ever encountered and covered. That covers a lot of territory, both in and out of sports. I’ve said and written many, many times that he channeled selfishness into a positive team element, because to him, the primary measure of his work was whether his team (he) won. I was around him for eight years here in Colorado, and I since have seen him in his post-retirement life in Quebec, and also was in Toronto for his induction in the Hockey Hall of Fame. I happen to agree he was the best goaltender of all time, and the quirks and contradictions make him all the more interesting.
In this instance, I don’t think it’s at all contradictory to say that I still consider his actions at that game to be reprehensible, but consistent with what makes him so fascinating.
And I can understand why Kelsey Tessier loves playing for him.

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